So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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