you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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