So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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