just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
