OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
