bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
