I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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