Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
