Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
