It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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