I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
