I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
