you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
