I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
