I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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