I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
