You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
