Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
