This dress was meant to end up on your floor
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
