I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
