I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
