So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
