i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
