The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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