Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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