so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
