She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
