I want to walk on stilts...naked
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
