so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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