mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
