its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
