if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
