I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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