Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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