worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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