look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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