Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
