oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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