it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
