I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
