I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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