have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
