They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
