your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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