I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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