that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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