fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
