grandma shit on top of the toilet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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