I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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