After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
