If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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