Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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