youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
