My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
