i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
