Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
