White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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