The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
