I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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