You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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