I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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