I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
