Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
