just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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