i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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