Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
