Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
