ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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