my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So squirting runs in the family.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
