I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
