There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
