It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
