he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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