I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
