The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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