Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
