I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i now understand why vodka
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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