I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
