New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
