puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
